Phew, I'm not so vein afterall

"I'm so vein, you'll probably think this Blog is about me ..."


It's not often you get an invitation to be a guinea pig in the name of cosmetic science research. A righteous cause if ever there was one. "Rob, do you fancy getting your veins zapped?" asked Sarah Chapman, a dear friend and respected skincare therapist (soon to be tycoon). "Erm, well, super offer, thanks. But are you saying I actually have veins that need to be zapped?" As if I didn't know.

Now, amongst the legion of freebies I have shamelessly accepted in the course of journalistic enterprise, this has to be one of the oddest. (Actually, a week on the QE2 with Terry Duckworth takes some beating). Naturally, like all well-trained free-loading hacks, I said Yes - although my real motivation, you see, was to help Chapman train a new therapist and had absolutely nothing to do with the red insignia gradually appearing upon my cheeks and nose following years of strenuous bar work.

And, so, I stretched out on a treatment bed at the 'Skinesis' clinic in Chelsea, with the sound of clinking crystal from Daphne's below drifting through the window, while three women examined my face with a special glow lamp to reveal the tracks of my decadent past. Much to my amazement, my broken veins are not bad at all and my fears that I am heading for payback in the shape of a port nose that could light up the Embankment are ill-founded. That's not to say my hard partying has gone unnoticed. Heaven forbid.

For about 20 minutes, the new assistant deftly ran a laser probe across various patches of my face and nose while I "Ooh'ed" and "Argh'ed" like a wimp at each and every light nip of the skin. And then it was done.

Today, those areas are red and blotchy, like I have had a good go at some spots in the mirror, but by tomorrow they will be gone. And, then, I will be free to go out in pursuit of new badges to represent my partying heart.

OK, call me vain, but at least you won't call me veiny.